A Walk to Ponder


I was doing this purposeless afternoon wandering for the second time today just to kill some time and free my mind from all other things. I planned to go to the public market on foot — a 3 mile distance from the room I’m renting. Just as I was walking seriously, finding for anything interesting –street children playing, a mother staring at her kids in hunger and in the cold, children dividing the coins they get from caroling the jeepneys– there was, amidst the chaos of the city, a girl trying to commit suicide.

I don’t know if she really wants to die. But I’m sure she’s depressed. She was walking with shoulders down, with a backpack and still in her school uniform, on the road. What is she trying to do with herself? Get killed? She was too young for that.

A jeepney almost hit her and she didn’t even care. She was dumb. She was not crying at all. Poker face. And here I was, just watching the events unfold.

I was way ahead of her now as I was maintaining a steady pace. I thought of approaching her but my current sullen mood won’t allow me. How can a depressed person cheer up someone who is depressed? As more and more jeepneys passed by, majority of which shouted “Inday, padaplin!” (Move aside, little girl!), I held my breath. I was sweating cold beads of water. Those are not because of the physical exhaustion from walking.

I was worried. It’s six in the evening. The sun has set and it’s rush hour. Peak hours for vehicular accidents. I stopped and waited for her. Walking along her, I tried to start a conversation.

“You are walking in the middle.” Remembering my previous lessons in psychiatry never to ask the word “why” as it is untherapeutic. She didn’t even looked at me. I looked into her eyes and saw deep remorse, cluttered thoughts,and un-ironed ideals. This girl needs help. 

“It is dangerous to walk in the middle of the street.” All I could do was present to her the reality she is obviously not minding. We are near the market now. I felt relieved because the vehicles are slower in this area of cluttered people. I walked fast ahead of her and bought bread in a nearby bakeshop.

I was planning to watch for any untoward signs of actual suicide. I continued following her. This time, maintaining a safe distance not to illicit suspicion on her part. I am a good stalker in real life! Not just on facebook.  No I wasn’t. I was careless enough to be far away when she reached the intersection. I’m not wearing my glasses this time and the night is slowly blinding me. I tried to turn right but it turns out it was not where she went. I circled the block hoping to see her still alive on the next corner but I was disappointed.

She was not there. The crowd of people and the possibilities of all other exits swallowed her. I gave up.


That’s when I prayed for her. I’m glad there’s no commotion, as if someone was hit by a car. Just the buzz of the busy market.

May God bless her. May she realize she is loved. May she value life.

And that’s when my personal inner conflict subsided. I don’t know if God used her to teach a lesson for me or was it the other way around. All I know at this moment, I am at peace.


Here I am now, writing a blog post, for the very first time in an internet cafe. Despite the noise, I’m amazed I still did this. Good night!


Who was She?

“Who was that girl in your room last night?”

My neighbor (the girl renting two rooms away from mine) asked me.

“Why?” I asked.

“She was cooking. There were two of you in there. Come on, tell me. Don’t be shy. Is she your girlfriend?”

“Did you really saw a girl? in my room?” I could not figure out what she wanted for me to say.

“I’m sure of it. I saw the lady through the window. The door was half open too!”

She sounded even more positive.  I would have been happier if there was.

The problem is…

all the time

I was alone in my room…



This is a scheduled post. I just realized there’s that option.

Probably right now I am sleeping in the economy class bed number 327 of M/V Wonderful Stars bound for Ormoc City.

I’ll arrive in my hometown (San Isidro) at 7 in the morning.

In the province, away from all the noise of the city.

No internet, weak phone signal, no electricity. (that’s too much)

Simple living. Thank God!

Where is the head?

She wont make it that far. The rest room was on the other end of the mall. There was no way she’s going to run the length of a mile. She has another option: to go into that scary comfort room.

As far as the gossips have gone around, there seems to be evil lurking in the room. It was supposedly for comfort or rest as the name suggests, but it does the exact opposite. Most of the girls who came in there (its a ladies CR by the way) either left out screaming, or learned their lesson: never to return again.

There she was bravely entering the ominous room.

She could not much believe how the rumors have started. When she was in there, she hurriedly went to one of the cubicles and pissed.

She never felt anything. She shrugged the stories passed around. Maybe the janitor just don’t want people to go in there so it will be clean. She decided to retouch her make-up.

The room is exquisitely clean, she noticed. To think it was open for the general public. She opened her bag and brought out a blush on.

While she was applying  the blush on, she noticed something on the mirror.

There was a black body walking behind her. Without a head. The stories are true!

She closed her eyes and started whispering “Hail Mary full of grace, the Lord is with you… …blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.”

She felt calm so she opened her eyes. Only to see a bloody head reciting “Holy Mary mother of God, ….”  right in front of her face, mocking her.

All she could do was scream. She passed out.

Happy Halloween!

Photo from: http://www.scaryforkids.com/scary-movies/


This was told to me by a friend as one of her acquaintances have experienced in a rest room in a famous mall.

They said evil spirits are immune to memorized prayers. I wonder where they get the immunity: the insincerity of the prayer or the weakness of faith. I guess it’s both.