Paalam

Iiwan mo na ba talaga siya? Pagkatapos ng lahat lahat? Saan ka tutungo? tanong ni Mommy.

Bahala na. Gusto ko ng magpatuloy sa buhay. Mag-move on. Oo, masaya sa piling niya…pero wala ring patutunguhan ang mababaw na relasyon naming ito. May iba siyang pinapahalagahan, may mga pangarap siya, gusto niyang makabangon sa pagkadapa, gusto niyang maging matatag sa hinaharap. At hindi ako kasama sa mga plano nyang iyon. Ayoko nang ipilit pa. Hindi na mainam para sa aming dalawa. Babaunin ko na lang ang aming alaala.

Kuntento na ako na masaya sya. Sana. 

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Nakakapanghinayang. Mahigit isang taon din ang aming naging samahan. Naibahagi namin ang mga masasayang alaala, mga nakapanlulumong sitwasyon, at nabago namin ang isa’t isa. Dinamayan ko siya sa oras na kailangan niya ng kaibigang iintindi sa sitwasyon niya. Naroon lamang ako para magbigay lakas-loob, suporta. Tanging ang presensya ko lang ay sapat na. Yun ang akala ko nung una.

Nagkalabuan tayo. Hindi mo tinupad ang iyong mga pangako. Nakakawalang-gana. Ibinibigay ko lahat pero sa tuwing magkasama tayo, parang walang kasiguraduhan. May tinatago sa isa’t isa. May mga bagay na pareho nating alam pero ayaw nating pag-usapan. At yun ang lumamon sa relasyon natin. Isang pesteng unti-unting sumira sa anumang nabuo.

Gayunpaman, malaki ang ipinapasalamat ko sa’yo. Ikaw ang nagturo sa akin kung paano ang pakiramdam. Pinaharap mo ako sa katotohanang buhay pa ang aking puso at tumitibok. Ako lang mismo ang ayaw makinig sa dagundong nito. Buti na lang at nariyan ka.

Paalam sa’yo.

 

 

 

P.S. paki-agahan ang separation pay.

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Just a Candle

 

I don’t know if I would be happy

Just to be picked up when there’s no electricity

No other source of light

When it’s dark, in the night.

 

Don’t I deserve to be with you when you’re happy?

When you are at your best, in utter joy and glee

Don’t I deserve the same feeling?

Not to be left out like this

Doing nothing

 

I know I let myself to be like this

Just a candle you can find as you please

At least, while you’re down

I can help erase that frown

 

I should just be contented this way, maybe

Someday I’ll be at your altar, standing idly

When my wax is over and too small

It might be over for us, after all

I’m just a candle.

 

I am limited

my time is numbered

But don’t be sad

I’ll be glad

To see you smiling

Despite the problems

you are facing.

Footprints on the Floor

 

The landlady is meticulous. It’s part of her habit to always clean everything; that relates to her being a supervisor in room cleaning at a hotel. And she does it in the house.

There are random inspection of rooms: spot checking of how we handle garbage, how we arrange our things, how we do the laundry, etc. We are like armies always alert for inspection, cleaning up everything.

Here comes one time when another boarder from the other room used the CR and the landlady followed next; discovering footprints on the pearly white bathroom floor. The boarder instantly became the culprit. “Res ipsa loquitur.”  (The thing speaks for itself)

He tried to explain it was there when he entered. He was a good boarder and he was living there long before we came.

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The reason why the world is in chaos is not only because of ‘bad’ people doing bad things; it is also by ‘good’ people doing nothing about it.

Sometimes, as  we  claim we are ‘good’, we put a wall to separate us from the tainted ‘bad’ ones. We focus on our ‘goodness’, that by staying near the rotten, we might rot too. We often condemn them for it, pushing them further down, away from goodness. In effect, we somehow let them do worse things not only to others but  to themselves as well.

On the other hand, it also teaches them a lesson. By doing bad, you don’t belong. By doing good, we welcome you. The hard part for the ‘bad ones’ is the time when everyone pushes them away. How could you think clearly and stand up again from the pit you have fallen into when there’s no helping hand to lift you up? Crawling in agony, they may slowly pick themselves up, stonger but with much hostility and indifference to the ones who claim to be teachers of a lesson.

The thing is, we should be more compassionate and empathic, consider their feelings, offer support for change, work with them instead of against them. That’s when there’s a lesson learned. That’s when there’s peace.

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And oh, if you were wondering about the footprints, it wasn’t me!!!

 

 

 

…who got caught. 😉