Maybe Next Time

To refuse an offer is an insult. I know that.

But I just can’t. Or in the back of my mind, doubting if I can.

My High School alma mater asked me to be their guest speaker this graduation. Oh, IT IS A BIG HONOR. It is a dream.

But I said NO. For a number of reasons I guess.

First of all, I am not ready. I mean, I am in a stage of my life when I am still seeking success. I know being successful isn’t a requirement to speak in front and inspire graduates but I am doubting if I could really have the wisdom to say the right words to do that. I am young, and lacking experience. I can dive deep in introspection and deliver some sweet metaphors of encouragement and stories to share. But I am not contented of that. I know I can do better in years to come. It’s premature.  I want to be a full term bouncing baby up there.

Secondly, my time schedule is not my friend. Working as a nurse in a hospital has stretched me up to my sleep-wake cycles and untimely day offs. In as much as having a leave of absence would be that easy to do (I am afraid filing and providing a valid argument through a letter to the chief nurse is not easy), I am not risking the fact that I am still a trainee now. The school is in the province and I don’t know if my request for a leave could be considered. I’ll have to absent for two days the least. I could not afford that.

___________________________

Some other petty reasons would be:

I don’t have something good to wear.

I am afraid of speaking in public. Might as well distribute my speech and let them read it.

My ex would be there, I think.

I don’t know what to say.

___________________________

I am really dismayed of myself for not grabbing the opportunity. But I am sure that there will be a right time for me. I still see my self in formal wear and standing on that school stage delivering my speech in front of graduates —sharing a piece of my thoughts about life, the value of education, family, friends, and being thankful of everything; hopefully to inspire them to keep on striving hard for what they want. *sigh*

But I was comforted by the words of my past mentor. She said it’s ok, though they’ll need to find another one, but it’s ok. I breathed with that.

However, towards the end of the 4-minute call,  she said maybe next time.

I say, maybe. 

 

 

 

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10 thoughts on “Maybe Next Time

  1. Though it’s an honor to be invited as a guest speaker to your alma mater. You are really free to choose in accepting or declining the invitation. If the odds are not on your end or if your intuition tells you that it’s not the appropriate time, follow it, so be it.

    You have more than enough valid reasons Dale. Please don’t feel bad about your decision(s). You owe it to your free and discerning self. 😉

  2. Don’t be dismayed with yourself. You did the right thing. If my alma mater asked of me the same thing, I’d go like, HUWAAATT???? Bakeeehhttt??? Hindi naman insecurity or cowardice ang umayaw. You’re just being honest especially to yourself. Be proud that you actually said no. 🙂

      • Maybe the next time, you’ll be ready 😉 BTW, declining an invitation, if not ignored and if done nicely, shouldn’t be seen as an insult. It’s like an advice. One may listen to it but is not obligated to follow. The adviser should not feel wronged. So if the ones who invite you feel insulted because you decline their invitations or offers, they’re the problem and feeling self-important. The best you can do is to show courtesy and respond. So I know you did the right thing 🙂

  3. I’d have to agree to the first commenters. Kung anu ang nasa puso mo, sundin mo. 🙂

    (Gusto ko yung pag-gamit mo ng “bouncing baby boy” at premature, lakas maka-nurse! Hehe)

    Next time next time. 🙂

    • eh pusong bato itong puso ko eh. patigasan nlng. 😀

      next time na nga lang siguro talaga. sana nga buo na ang loob ko. may malaking panahon pa rin nman para mag-ipon ng lakas ng loob at maghanda.

      lakas maka-nurse ba? nasa pediatric ward kasi ako ngayon. hehehe 😀

  4. May perfect time for that, siguro di lang talaga nakadestine na mangyari yan today but soon you will be much more prepare at lalo ka pang mag-strive for excellence para makainspire ka ng graduates soon.

    Follow your heart nga 😛 Pero mas astig yun kung nandoon si ex. Nyahaha! =P

  5. It’s not like you’re totally closing your doors to them, right? Like what you said, you’re just waiting for the right time. Magpapakaredundant din ako gaya nila. Sundin mo yung totoong saloobin mo. How can you be sure if you made the right choice? May feeling ng relief, maluwag sa dibdib at hindi ka namomroblema. We know that time will come. Ikaw pa!
    Tsaka tama ka. Wag na muna kung nadun si ex. Joke. Hehehe. Yeahmen!

  6. Someday , when you are ready , when the time is right and the fruit is ripe (?) hahha. Alam kong marami pang darating sayong ganyang opportunity.

    at sigurado ako sa ibang lugar wala na si ex. wala ka ng dahilan para umatras . hahahha

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